MLP - The Pony Variety Show! - Episode 8 Part 2

The Pony Variety Show!

As you re-enter the theatre, you see that the entire room has been redone! The orchestra has been replaced by a battery of lights and a sound team, the stage has gone from hardwoods and red curtains to polished laminate floors and lighting gantries. The holoprojectors are active too, shifting through a dozen different scenes as they prepare for projection.

Nervous candidates peer out onto the stage as they await their turns for the Pony Variety Show! Singoff competition. The crowd whispers eagerly, awaiting the opening acts for what promises to be an interesting round of music.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, bronies of all ages! Welcome to the very first Pony Variety Show! Singoff!" Spike announces as he waddles onto the stage, dressed in a dapper tuxedo and hat, with a fine mustache gracing his upper lip. "From all around the brony community, your OCs will come onstage to show their stuff and compete for your votes! Now let's get this show started!"

Applause fills the room as the holoprojectors flare to life, setting the stage in an apartment, blued lighting making the whole scene look glum and cold.

The first OC, a white pegasus stallion with an ice blue mohawk and tail that spike towards his back steps out onto the stage, a confident smile set upon his face. "Hi, everypony. I'm Freezing Cold. I have been searching long and hard for my one special somepony. I have known her for years, but haven't been able to tell her. I don't care if it isn't Hearts and Hooves Day, or won't be for a while, but I'm still searching for her. She probably won't be here, or at the next place I do one of these, but if you're here, Chamomile, this song is for you."

An acoustic guitar begins to play, thrumming out a rhythm as the cool lights beam down upon the stage.

"I wanna be drunk when I wake up,
On the right side of the wrong bed,
And every excuse I made up,
Tell you the truth I hate,
What didn't kill me,
It never made me stronger at all."

Freezing sings slow and low to the rhythm of the song, looking just a bit distraught as he sits back upon a couch, surrounded by dirty laundry. A scattered series of photographs are spread upon a coffee table before him, showing pictures, presumably of the pony he is looking for.

"Love will scar your make-up lip sticks to me,
So now I'll maybe leave back there,
I'm sat here wishing I was sober,
I know I'll never hold you like I used to."

"But our house gets cold when you cut the heating,
Without you to hold I'll be freezing,
Can't rely on my heart to beat it,
'Cause you take part of it every evening,
Take words out of my mouth just from breathing,
Replace with phrases like when you're leaving me."

Freezing Cold rises from where he's seated, wandering about the apartment. His eyes fix to places where tender moments might have happened, a faint glimmer of longing in his deep blue eyes.

"Should I, should I?
Maybe I'll get drunk again,
I'll be drunk again,
I'll be drunk again,
To feel a little love,  
I wanna hold your heart in both hands,
I'll watch it fizzle at the bottom of a Coke can,
And I've got no plans for the weekend,
So shall we speak then,
Keep it between friends,
Though I know you'll never love me like you used to."

Scooping up a can, he stares at the beer's label for a long moment, as if contemplating it's contents. Then, with a quick pull of the tab, he takes a long swig from the tall can before returning to his song.

"There maybe other people like us,
You see the flicker of the clip when they light up,
Flames just create us, burns don't heal like before,
You don't hold me anymore."

"On cold days Coldplay's out like the band's the name,
I know I can't heal things with a hand shake,
You know I can't change as I began saying,
You cut me wide open like landscape,  
Open bottles of beer but never champagne,
We'll applaud you with the sound that my hands make."

Freezing trots towards the edge of the stage, letting his feelings pour out as he sings out the contents of his heart, his eyes seeming to search the audience, as if to catch a glimpse of the pony he pines for.

"Should I, should I?
Maybe I'll get drunk again,
I'll be drunk again,
I'll be drunk again,
To feel a little love."

With a long sigh, Freezing hangs his head, plodding slowly away from you. He hangs his head, then settles back upon the couch, his eyes fixing upon another beer can sitting just within hoof's reach.

"All by myself,
I'm here again,
All by myself,
You know I'll never change,
All by myself,
All by myself,
I'm just drunk again,
I'll be drunk again,
I'll be drunk again,
To feel a little love."

The song comes to a close as the blued lights dim, then come up as Freezing Cold steps up to the edge of the stage again, a smile upon his face. Applause rings out over the audience, cheers breaking through and more than a few mares try to rush the stage, calling out their love and perhaps a phone number or two.

"Thank you all!" Freezing Cold calls out, waving to everypony as he heads back behind the curtains.

"Wasn't that wonderful, everypony!?" Spike asks, holding the mic out for the audiences' response. The shouts and screams of approval boom out over the audio system, flooding your senses with energy and enthusiasm. "We'd like to extend a special thank you to codejunkie and his OC, Freezing Cold for their participation today!"

"Our next act belongs to our very own Captain Literal, and his OC of the same name, rapping to his own home written lyrics! Give it up for the Captain!" Spike sidesteps, holding out his arm in presentation as another applause ripples through the crowd.

The stage floods with lights of various colors as the pegasus enters the stage, looking somewhat less battered for all of the wear he'd suffered during the debate.

"Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'll be rappin' for this one!" He announces as a heavy bass beat begins to thrum in the background.

"Hey everybody, it's me, the one who is gong to make this competition less boring.
My name is Captain Literal, the not very critical.
But I'm still a lot of fun, so just sit back son."

The Captain bobs his head in time with the beat, sliding shades over his eyes, then folding his hooves in front of his chest as he moves with the music.

"It is time to bring...erm... something strange, that had a lot of range?
Anyway, back down business, lets get together, and snack on biscuits.
Okay I may have forgotten the rest of this song,
It may have something to do with me spending all last night playing ponykong.
What? it is a very fun game, one that drives the Sarge insane!"
Have you meet him? Well he is my best friend!
I would never trade im', right to the very end!
But enough about him, it is time for the big finale.
This is gonna be cooler, than the air in a bowling alley!"

Launching himself into the air, the pegasus begins flying in tight, circling sweeps, causing a whirlwind to start sucking up stage props and throwing them all about the room.

"Big time, bring in the tornado!
Gonna smack down these lyrics like I do a tomato!"

Suddenly, he loses control, spinning out of his own whirlwind. With a cry of dismay, he goes hurtling into one of the walls, slamming hard into it, then slumping headfirst to the floor. "Owchie… Don't worry I'm okay folks!"

The whirlwind, however, doesn't seem interested in ending it's destructive run. It careens across the stage, jumps into the pit, hurls lighting fixtures up through it's funneled top, then leaps into the audience. Ponies and bronies are sucked unceremoniously from their seats, flung all about, and landing upon other audience members. The destructive column of air slows, then vanishes before it gets to you, but your good fortune ends in a shower of popcorn and soda.

* * *

It takes several minutes for you to get cleaned up from your impromptu bath. You come out and resume your seat just as the stage crew finishes their cleanup.

"Sorry about the wait, but we all know how crazy this show can get." Spike says as he steps up. "Our next act will be performed by Infernus, the OC of Hellpony. Without further ado, let's welcome him in, folks!"

A round of applause and cheers sound out for a black unicorn with lava-like red marks upon his body. He has a red and black
mohawk, and his tail looks like a jet of flame with a black core. He grins in a calm, yet sinister feeling manner, his slitted red eyes probing you.

"Greetings everybrony! First off, I want to thank Celestial for releasing me just to perform for your sick pleasure. Now the song I've pick is a personal favorite of mine, and one you Luna should be familiar with."

The holoprojectors begin displaying scenes of men and ponies in military gear across the background, preparing themselves for battle with sword and spear, firearms and kevlar, each ready to face death. An electric guitar begins to thrum as the song plays out a deceptively calm rhythm over the audience.

The song opens with Strother Martin's famed quote, his soft tone setting the stage for the song. "What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach... So, you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it! Well, he gets it! N' I don't like it any more than you men."

The red unicorn slowly sings as the rhythm plays, his words carrying through the crowd, almost as if he were reciting a a quote rather than singing.

"Look at your young men fighting,
Look at your women crying,
Look at your young men dying,
The way they've always done before."

"Look at the hate we're breeding,
Look at the fear we're feeding,
Look at the lives we're leading,
The way we've always done before."

The music begins to beat faster as Infernus leans forward, his voice sharpening and hitting a much higher pitch as the song breaks into a rapid rhythm. The scenes become more violent as it displays soldiers rushing to their deaths upon battlefields, surrounded by explosions. Ponies charge into battle, spears shining as they crash into a line of griffons. The two sides tear into each other, with individuals falling on both sides.

"My hands are tied,
The billions shift from side to side,
And the wars go on with brainwashed pride,
For the love of God and our human rights!
And all these things are swept aside,
By bloody hands time can't deny,
And are washed away by your genocide,
And history hides the lies of our civil wars!"

"D'you wear a black armband,
When they shot the man,
Who said, "Peace could last forever"?
And in my first memories,
They shot Kennedy,
I went numb when I learned to see.
So I never fell for Vietnam,
We got the wall of D.C. to remind us all,
That you can't trust freedom,
When it's not in your hands.
When everybody's fightin',
For their promised land."

"And I don't need your civil war!
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor!
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers,
In a human grocery store,
Ain't that fresh?
I don't need your civil war!"

Infernus' voice dulls once again as the song slows. The jamming guitar follows suit, now just thrumming a calm rhythm.

"Look at the shoes your filling,
Look at the blood we're spilling,
Look at the world we're killing,
The way we've always done before.
Look in the doubt we've wallowed,
Look at the leaders we've followed,
Look at the lies we've swallowed,
And I don't want to hear no more."

The beat picks up again, followed quickly by Infernus, who leans forward, nearly carrying the mic stand he is gripping to the floor as he sings deep, his eyes squeezing tight shut with passion.

"My hands are tied!
For all I've seen has changed my mind,
But still the wars go on as the years go by,
With no love of God or human rights!
'Cause all these dreams are swept aside,
By bloody hands of the hypnotized,
Who carry the cross of homicide,
And history bears the scars of our civil wars!"

Another quote breaks the thrumming pound of the music. "We practice selective annihilation of mayors and government officials, for example to create a vacuum. Then we fill that vacuum. As popular war advances, peace is closer."

"I don't need your civil war,
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor!
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers,
In a human grocery store,
Ain't that fresh?
And I don't need your civil war,
I don't need your civil war,
I don't need your civil war!
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers,
In a human grocery store,
Ain't that fresh?
I don't need your civil war,
I don't need one more war!"

"I don't need one more war!
Whaz so civil 'bout war!?"

The song comes slowly to a close, drawing out the quieting electric guitar as Infernus lays down upon the stage, his head rising with dramatic slowness as he stares at the audience. Then, without any further words, he rises from where he lay walking quietly from the stage. Lights come back up as applause thrums through the audience.

"What a performance! Thank you for coming out to share with us, Infernus! We'll let you know the results when we get the votes in!" Spike calls after the frightening pony. "Our next act comes from another of our contributors, TheAssumingMage's OC, Triverus Agon Mage. Please welcome him to the show!"

More cheers and applause greet the light blue pegasus, who's white mane and tail hang naturally from his back. He does not speak as he steps out onto the stage, clearing his throat before the mic. A random beat made from instruments crossed with zany tool effect sounds begins to play as the holoprojectors turn the stage into what appears to be a Home Depot aisle. A small quartet of backup singers hit the chorus words as Mage sings the fast paced, random lyrics.

"Nothing ever (ever) happens in this town,
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here,
I thought that I would go right outta my mind,
Until a friend told me the news."

"He said, "(Hey), you know that vacant lot,
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it,
And on the spot they're gonna build a shop,
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"."

"Since then I've been walking on air (air),
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair,
'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care,
I've been waiting since last June."

"For this day to finally arrive,
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive,
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside,
Well, I hope they open soon."

"I can't wait no, (no I) I can't wait (oh when),
When they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the,
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the,
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the,
Hardware store."

"In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight,
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out,
I pressed my nose right up against the glass,
You know, I had to be first in line."

"Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom,
Want a pair of pliers for every single room in my house,
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon,
One of them will be all mine."

"Guys with name tags walking down the aisles,
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles,
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles,
All arranged alphabetically."

"And they're doing a promotional stunt,
There's a great big purple sign out front,
That says every 27th customer,
Will get a ball pein hammer free."

"I can't wait no, (no I) I can't wait (oh when),
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the,
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the,
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the,
Hardware store."

"I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the,
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the,
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the,
Hardware store."

"Would you look at all that stuff ...
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters,
Trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water heaters,
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires,
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers,
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters,
Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters,
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables,
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles,
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication,
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation,
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors,
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors,
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers,
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers,
Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers,
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers."

"I can't wait no, (no I) I can't wait (oh when),
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the,
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the,
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the,
Hardware store."

"I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the,
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the,
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the,
Hardware store."

"I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the,
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the,
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the,
Hardware store."

Through the entire song, Mage doesn't move an inch save for singing, while the other ponies cavort and dance all about behind him, grabbing random objects as they try to keep up with the song's breakneck pace. The audience sits there in silence, staring at the amazing feat of tongue twisting. Then, with thunderous applause, they whoop and cheer as Mage takes an elegant bow, then retreats slowly from the stage.

"Woah!" Spike laughs. "Remind me never to take him on in a tongue twister! Our next act comes from Tragicom, and his OC of the same name! Please welcome Tragicom!"

Claps and cheers greet the red unicorn who sports a shaggy brown mane and a pair of silver framed glasses. Stepping up to the mic, he greets you all. "Well, hello everypony. Like many of you out there, I am an OC. Whoop-dee-doo for me. I feel that this concept is entirely overused. As such, I doubt I'll see you again after tonight. But, I'll be happy to share a small parody of a classic 'I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General'."

A piano starts playing a comedic little melody as several ponies emerge, wearing frilly white dresses or pirate clothes. The stage is quickly transformed into that of an old english theatre, which has props to make it look like a jungle with a storming sea behind it in the background. Tragicom begins to sing at an incredible pace as he paces back and forth to the tinkle of the rapid flicks of piano keys.

"I am the very model of a My Little Pony OC,
And when I say that I mean that you will not see too much of me.
I'm not some secret alicorn, I don't have some grand destiny,
'Specially considering that mere sports can get the best of me.
I've got decent intelligence, I'm quite the happy thespian,
But I'm no more important than a normal old Equestrian,
In fact if I were in a fic, I'd prob'ly stick to the background,
I might say something clever but I'd norm'lly never make a sound."

The chorus line picks up as Tragicom stops, their voices mingling gleefully.

"He might say something clever but he'd norm'lly never make a sound,
He might say something clever but he'd norm'lly never make a sound,
He might say something clever but he'd norm'lly never, ever make a sound."

Tragicom begins to sing again, and if anything even faster than his last round.

"A unicorn like me is really nothing to write home about,
I'd rather write the characters who've already developed clout,
I truly think that this minor sense of responsibility,
Makes me the very model of a My Little Pony OC."

The chorus comes in again.

"He truly thinks that this minor sense of responsibility,
Makes him the very model of a My Little Pony OC."

Tragicom continues his song, even more rapidly.

"I worship the Princesses, and appreciate their daily work,
I think that I'm a nice guy, I really hope I'm not a jerk.
I'm really not trying to knock everyone else's characters,
But when I read fics that have OC pairings, it is pure torture."

"This is the kind of show that can boast a quite impressive cast,
Admittedly it needs more guys, and it could really use them fast.
That's no reason to add a bunch of newbies to the pony race,
Sure, I like these characters but dating them is not my place."

The chorus returns, still doing their best to match Tragicom's incredible singing speed.

"Sure, he likes these characters but dating them is not his place,
Sure, he likes these characters but dating them is not his place,
Sure, he likes these characters but dating them is really not his place."

Tragicom begins once again, his pacing stopped as he continues to fire away lines with maddening speed.

"So if you were to write another silly pony shipping fic,
The second I see an OC is the moment I choose to back-click.
I truly think that this minor sense of responsibility,
Makes me the very model of a My Little Pony OC."

The chorus is now panting, their struggles showing in wide eyes and sagging breaths.

"He truly thinks that this minor sense of responsibility,
Makes him the very model of a My Little Pony OC."

Tragicom finally slows his pace, stating his sentences in an almost explanatory manner.

"But… If you want a new character, I'm sure there are good ones out there,
Sadly with all the bad ones I really can't be bothered to care.
So please don't think I wrote these lyrics just so I could try to hate,
Like all others I try live up to the mantra of "Love and Tolerate".
So OCs all, do your best to go past the silly stereotypes,
Then I might be less likely to write a song listing off my gripes.
Frankly, I have no place unless I were to be drawn on the show,
And if they were to offer, I highly doubt that I would say 'no'."

The chorus gasp through their next set of lines, each one looking exhausted.

"And if they were to offer, he highly doubts that he would say 'no',
And if they were to offer, he highly doubts that he would say 'no',
And if they were to offer, he highly doubts that he would ever say 'no'."

Speeding up once again, Tragicom shoots through another blistering series of lines.

"So saying I'm best pony is never something I would claim,
The only reason I exist because I really like this name.
So if you enjoyed this song, I bid to you all a fond 'Merci',
From this, the humble model of My Little Pony OC."

The chorus singers gasp through the last of the lyrics, then fall about in a heap from sheer exhaustion.

"So if you enjoyed this song, we bid to you all a fond 'Merci',
From this, the humble model of My Little Pony OC."

Tragicom looks about at all of his co-singers, who are sprawled about, eyes wide and tongues lolling. "Hmm… maybe I should have slowed down a bit."

Applause and cheers flood from the audience as the OC departs, replaced quickly by Spike. "Man, I had no idea that ponies could sing that fast! Maybe he and the last guy are related. Anyway, our next entry is RLYoshi's OC Arrell. Let's give him a hardy round of applause!"

The crowd claps cheerfully for the next contender, a royal blue unicorn stallion sporting a yellow mane and tail flecked with bits of brown. He smiles at you nervously around a pair of black framed reading glasses. Stepping to the front of the stage, he clears his throat, then begins to sing as a piano thrums softly, backed by a thumping beat. The holoprojectors spray illusion over the background, filling it up like a dark alley spreading into a faintly lit street off behind the OC.

"I just couldn't sleep that night,
I laid awake in bed,
Contemplated all the things you said.
Called fate out, I'm like "What the hay?!"
I can't keep pace, so I kneel forward and beg to God,
You're so far out; screw these legs I've got.
I need wings so I can fly instead,
All my limbs might as well be dead.
Gosh darn it I wish I could grow a pair,
Far worse pains in the world out there.
Forest flames blot the evening air,
Oppressed crying out with screams of despair,
Yet all I care about is to be in your lair.
Why did God bring you into my life,
Only to have my heart split and sliced?
Don my facade to keep happy and nice,
But in reality I'm crying hard deep inside."

"I wanna forget all of our days,
If it spared me the pain, I would even erase,
Every memory cherished, everything we've made,
But nothing undoes the legacy you've created.
Every day I'll always see the same sight,
The ship that woulda been about a dozen a ride,
Infinite colours yet an orange light,
No Photoshopping could make this look right,
No photos shot could bring you to my side.
I wish I could be with you when you are tired,
No need for you to clean the bathroom tiles,
We wouldn't even have to hide our files.
But even if we had to hide our existence,
At least what we had coulda kept on existing,
I'm missing a part of me I wish I could fill in,
And so I return to the world I've been killing."

"The one I woulda lost that night,
Looking back on all those times,
When the world tried to keep me happy,
Earth so scorched yet smiling gladly.
The one I started taking for granted sadly,
The one I loved so much it was almost campy,
The one I lived so much in, like always camping,
The one who brightened me and kept me laughing.
I wonder if I made the right reactions,
Living through each day, double-checking my actions,
'Cause I wonder if I screwed the last ones.
At a glance, you'd think I don't know who I'm after,
And I'm trying to write a new chapter,
Trying to keep moving forward and faster.
But I don't know if I'm going to last,
So please God again carry me through the sand."

The singing pauses as the nervous OC stares at the stage, doing his best to ignore the countless eyes boring in on him as the music thrums out it's beat. Slowly, Arrell raises his head, eyes filled with emotion as he sings again.

"I just couldn't sleep that night,
I laid awake in bed,
Contemplated all the things you said.
Called fate out, I'm like "What the hay?!"
I can't keep pace, so I kneel forward and beg to God,
You're so far out; screw these legs I've got.
I need wings so I can fly instead,
All my limbs might as well be dead.
Gosh darn it I wish I could grow a pair,
Far worse pains in the world out there.
Forest flames blot the evening air,
Oppressed crying out with screams of despair,
Yet all I care about is to be in your lair.
Why did God bring you into my life,
Only to have my heart split and sliced?
Don my facade to keep happy and nice,
But in reality I'm crying hard deep inside."

A second interlude passes, this one filled with garbled mumblings of an anguished soul as the lights strobe sending your mind reeling with strange, haunting images. Arrell opens his mouth to sing once more, pouring out his feelings through the notes in the air.

"No photos shot could bring you to my side.
I wish I could be with you when you are tired,
No need for you to clean the bathroom tiles,
We wouldn't even have to hide our files.
But even if we had to hide our existence,
At least what we had coulda kept on existing,
I'm missing a part of me I wish I could fill in,
And so I return to the world I've been killing."

The lights come up to another rousing applause as ponies and bronies cheer for the departing OC. The room slowly lightens up again as Spike steps up. "Wow, what an amazing performance! We really got some great submissions from you guys!"

"Next up, we have Cornlover's OC, River Water. I'd like to extend a special thank you from all of us on the Pony Variety Show! for inspiring this contest in the first place, and for your participation!"

A shy looking blue unicorn filly, just shy of marehood, creeps out from behind the curtains. Brushing back her hair nervously, she uncovers a pair of horns sprouting one over the other from her brow. Her eyes dart back and forth nervously, as if she's unsure of what to do with herself.

"Come on up, River Water! Everypony is waiting!" Spike urges, holding out his claw to the nervous pony.

In response, River slowly approaches, standing before the microphone. Clearing her voice, she straightens up, as if attempting to pull out her nerves. "Hello everypony! I hope I don't make a fool of myself, but this song I sang when my adopted daddy found me and gave me my name."

She takes a long breath, then begins to sing in a high, clear voice. Behind her, the stage takes on the look of a peaceful river flanked by tall, majestic trees. Fish dance in the water, while fowls of many breeds swim serenely across it's surface, or roost quietly upon it's shores. A stag wanders from the woods, leaning forward to sip at the waters peacefully as the music calms and quiets the crowd.

"As I went down in the river to pray,
Studying about that good old way,
And who shall wear the starry crown good Lord,
Show me the way."

"O' sisters lets go down, lets go down, c'mon down,
O' sisters lets go down, down in the river to pray."

"As I went down in the river to pray,
Studying about that good old way,
And who shall wear the robe and crown good Lord,
Show me the way."

"O' brothers lets go down, lets go down, c'mon down,
Come on brothers lets go down, down in the river to pray."

"As I went down in the river to pray,
Studying about that good old way,
And who shall wear the starry crown good Lord,
Show me the way."

"O' fathers lets go down, lets go down, c'mon down.
O' fathers lets go down, down in the river to pray."

"As I went down in the river pray,
Studying about that good old way,
And who shall wear the robe and crown good Lord,
Show me the way."

"O' mothers lets go down, lets go down, c'mon down.
Come on mothers lets go down, down to the river to pray."

"As I went down in the river to pray,
Studying about that good old way,
And who shall wear the starry crown good Lord,
Show me the way."

"O' sinners lets go down, lets go down, c'mon down.
O' sinners lets go down, down in the river to pray."

"As I went down in the river pray,
Studying about that good old way,
And who shall wear the robe and crown good lord,
Show me the way."

As the unicorn's voice calms, settling to the soft rhythms of flowing water. The room is quiet, save for sniffing and happy crying coming from members of the audience. River Water takes a modest bow, her voice almost a whisper as she sniffles back a tear. "Thank you for listening."

A slow, building applause thunders about the chamber as she departs into the back. The holoprojectors fading out the serene scene, to be replaced by a series of colorful lights as Spike steps forward again. "What a great performance! I think I'll get that song in recording for a lullaby myself!"

A smattering of laughter greets Spike's proclamation. He grins, then continues with the announcements. "Next up, Krushnazag has shared his OC, Winding Gearshaft, who will be singing 'The Music of the Night'. Let's give him a round of applause, everypony!"

Clapping greets a proud, sturdily built light brown unicorn stallion as he heads up upon the stage. He grins oddly, proffering up his synthetic right foreleg. The lights dim, showing a deep, hollow cave filled with the light of a thousand candles emerging in the background as he strides closer through the reflections of the flickering glow reflecting off the holographic pool. Without a word, Gears begins singing, the rhythmic flow of an orchestra flowing up around his song.

"Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation,
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination,
Silently the senses abandon their defenses."

"Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor,
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender.
Turn your face away from the garish light of day,
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light,
And listen to the music of the night."

"Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams,
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before,
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar,
And you live as you've never lived before."

"Softly, deftly, music shall caress you,
Hear it, feel it secretly possess you.
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind,
In this darkness that you know you cannot fight,
The darkness of the music of the night."

"Let your mind start a journey to a strange new world,
Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before,
Let your soul take you where you long to be,
Only then can you belong to me."

"Floating, falling, sweet intoxication,
Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation.
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in,
To the power of the music that I write,
The power of the music of the night."

"You alone can make my song take flight,
Help me make the music of the night."

The performance comes to a close as the stallion walks down from the stage into the audience, his eyes fixed upon a mare. Blushing and breathing heavily, she shivers delightedly, her eyes fill with stars at his approach. Gears approaches her, his own eyes shining as he comes to a stop in front of her.

"Shiny…" He mumbles.

The mare, shocked at his response, glances down at her rather opulent necklace, glittering in the dim light. Her head snaps back up, and she plants a hoof squarely across his face. He reels over, caught off guard as his attention is brought forcefully back to reality.

"Ouch…"

"Ooh, that had to hurt!" Spike calls out, his voice merry despite his attempted sympathy for the stricken OC. "I guess it doesn't help to forget what you're doing during a stage performance."

As laughter settles back down, Spike continues his narrative. "Our next performance will come from DJ Pyro 3's OCs, Facade Quillmane and Etereo, performing their own rendition of Phantom of the Opera! Looks like a popular topic today!"

The lights dim to a deep gloom, showing a spectacularly elaborate dance floor shrouded in the deep folds of night. The sound of a pipe organ begins, filling the dark chamber with a resounding, haunting tune. Stepping slowly from the left side of the stage, a dull magenta earth pony emerges, her blue and orange hair framing a sad, quiet face. She is wearing a beautiful white dress that fits close to her frail, lovely form. Opening her mouth slowly, she begins to sing.

"In shadows he does hide, on gala night..
The dreams he promised me...they called my name...
And though I search for him...In night he hides...
The Phantom of the Gala has arrived...
To take my heart..."

A hauntingly striking voice answers from the darkness, resounding amongst the dim rafters of the chamber, giving it an almost ethereal quality. His voice is strong, deep and powerful.

"Dance once again with me...
Our strange ballet...
Your power over me...grows stronger yet...
And though you turn away...to glance behind...
The Phantom of the Gala hides away...
Behind the night…"

The mare sings out again, her own voice mixing elements of fear and fascination in equal measure as she calls out into the darkness. She turns her head, searching as her body twists about in elegant motions, turning her seeking into an elaborate ballet upon the marble floor.

"No one has seen your face...
Rumors have spread...
The mask you duly wear…"

"Holds back my shame…" The mysterious stallion answers, emerging from the darkness, his face clothed in a white mask. His sandy blond mane hangs down over the top rim of the mask, and a pair of dun wings stretch out from a tuxedo that conceals most of his body. The two ponies begin singing in unison as they approach each other.

"Our spirits and our hearts in one combined!
The Phantom of the Gala/The Angel behind the mask is here...
To steal your/my heart."

Out of the darkness, dozens of waltzing couples emerge, each singing out in chorus as they turn about, their eyes fixed upon the stallion striding through their midst towards the lone mare at the stage's edge. They all sing out in a haunting echo.

"The Phantom of the Gala."

The mare finds her voice, her eyes fixing upon he who approaches.

"He's there! The Phantom of the Gala!"

The Phantom sings out, his voice both commanding and sultry as he calls to her.

"Dance, my angel!"

The mare begins to dance gently about, turning upon her hooftips. The Phantom calls out again, louder and more passionately.

"Dance, my angel!!"

She begins to turn sharply, then tapping along the floor with long, deft movements as she swirls about the dance floor.

"Dance, for me!"

The mare's face is upturned as she leaps and whirls, her body straining to keep up with the lust filled demands of her suitor.

"Dance, my angel!!"

She is barely keeping upon her toes now. She twists and dives at nearly impossible angles, her dress flowing out behind her like a flower caught in a hurricane. The Phantom calls out exultantly, his eyes shining as they fix upon her flawless performance.

"Dance, for me!!!"

Unable to keep her balance any longer, the mare loses her footing as she leaps, and falls back towards the floor. The Phantom leaps up, his wings stretching out as he flies up, catching the mare in outstretched hooves. She lays back dramatically across his firm forelegs as he stretches out his grand wings, leaning over to stare into her eyes. The lights cut out, then rise slowly again, revealing an empty stage.

The crowd rises swiftly to their feet and hooves, applauding wildly at the brilliant performance. Spike steps out onto the stage, clapping as well. "What a show! Thank you both for working so hard on that, and for the brilliant choreography! Do you two practice this often?"

Laugher greets Spike as he looks back, frowning when nopony emerges or answers him. "Oh well, I guess they were busy or something. Our next act will be Echo Night's Echo Jewel, performing Fairytale."

A shy brown pegasus mare with a blue mane steps out meekly. She almost stops and flees before the crowded room, but manages to summon her will and continue on. She steps up to the microphone, her whole body shivering slightly.

"Umm… h-hello everypony, my name is Echo and I don't sing much but, umm… I'll try my best…" The shy pony whispers into the mic, then breathes in. Overhead, a violin begins to send out a rapid thrum as a techno beat starts hammering rhythmically.

"Years ago,When I was younger...
I kinda liked a girl I knew...
She was mine, and we were sweethearts...
That was then, But then its true…"

"I'm in love with a fairytale,
Even though it hurts...
Cause I don't care if I lose my mind...
I'm already cursed."

"Every day we started fighting,
Every night we fell in love...
No one else could make me sadder,
But no one else could lift me high above…"

"I don't know what I was doing, when suddenly,
We fell apart...
Nowadays, I can not find her...
But when I do, we'll get a brand new start…"

"I'm in love with a fairytale,
even though it hurts...
Cause I don't care if I lose my mind...
I'm already cursed."

"Shes a fairytale…
Yeah...
even though it hurts...
Cause I don't care if I lose my mind...
Im already cursed."

The music quickly ends, sending the room into silence. It is quickly broken as ponies and bronies clap for Echo. She takes a modest bow.

"Umm… I hope you enjoyed it… goodbye…" She quickly retreats from the stage, disappearing behind the curtains.

"Alright! Thank you Echo!" Spike calls after her, then returns his attention to you all. "Our next act will be Axelmerc, and his OC, Axel! Let's welcome him in!"

The gray coated stallion wearing headphones about his neck emerges from backstage, jamming out a little to a techno beat that thrums overhead. The lights quickly shift gears, strobing and whirling in time with the beat as Axel steps up to the mic.

"Hey everypony I'm Axel otherwise known as 1337-P0N3. I've been playing video games for a couple years now and love seeing new people everywhere I go. I wanna thank everyone who got me the chance to be here. I wanna give a special thanks to Vinyl Scratch for inspiring me to perform here today I've always been a fan of her work. If I perform I hope to make y'all happy with my performance if not then I completely understand. Who Dares Wins!"

The lights begin pulsing faster as the music grows in volume. The stallion starts jamming in time with the beat as he sings out a rhythm.

"I need to stop worrying about things I can't control,
I need to stop worrying about the dollars I don't own,
I gotta stop worrying about the things I cannot know,
But sometimes it feels so good. Oh!"

"Money don't matter if it feels for you.
Money don't matter if you're, hah, hah, hah.
Money don't matter if it feels for you.
I used to worry everyday,
Now I got better things."

"Need to stop hurrying slow down and take control,
Gotta stop worrying about your problems you should know,
Need to stop feeling like my life is such a mess,
Because the world has got me in it,
It's my time and I should live it. Oh!"

"Money don't matter if it feels for you,
Money don't matter if you're hah, hah, hah.
Money don't matter if it feels for you,
I used to worry everyday,
Now I got better things."

"Cause it don't matter what the people say,
It don't matter what the people do,
Oh It don't matter what the people say,
Cause I say baby you gotta stop worryin'. Oh!"

"Money don't matter if it feels for you,
Money don't matter if you're hah, hah, hah.
Money don't matter if it feels for you,
I used to worry everyday,
Now I got better things."

Axel doesn't stop moving to the music, choosing instead to shimmy off behind the curtains as applause chases him from the crowd.

"Great job, Axel! It was awesome having you!" Spike steps up to the mic. "Our next contestant is Sound Wave's OC, going by the same name. He'll be performing Roller Coaster by Blink 182, so let's give him a big round of applause!"

Spike doesn't see the light blue pegasus stallion with a wild red and blue mane pushing a storm cloud up behind him. With a swift kick, the stallion sends a boom of thunder out of the cloud. He bursts out laughing as Spike jumps, his eyes going wide with surprise.

"Gaaah!" Looking up, Spike eyes the prankster irritably. "Well here he is folks. Grrshafrissh dumb storm cloud."

Smiling garrulously, the pegasus introduces himself. "Hey-hey Ponies and Bronies! Name's Sound Wave," he leans forward, his smile growing, "no I'm not a Decepticon, and I am excited to be here!! You're an awesome crowd! Woo! I'm not going to bore you with what I like or what I do in my free time but I would like to say that it'll be an honor to perform for all of you guys! Now without further ado, I hope you enjoy what I got!"

The projectors flare, revealing that an illusion covered a band of ponies behind him. They are each gripping rock band instruments, smiling confidently. With abrupt sharpness, the entire group starts jamming out as Sound Wave begins to sing.

"Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
Finding strength to call and ask her,
Roller coaster, favorite ride,
Let me kiss you one last time."

"Leave me standing here,
Act like I'm not around,
The coast will probably never clear,
Can I please go home now?"

"I had that dream,
About you again,
Where I wait outside,
Until you let me in,
And there I stayed."

"Lay beside me,
And listen at the wall,
We'll keep on lying,
Until the summer comes."

"I had that dream,
About you again,
Where you drive my car,
Right off a bucking cliff."

"And now I'm breathing deeply, walking backwards,
Finding strength to call and ask her,
Roller coaster, favorite ride,
Let me kiss you one last time."

"Make me promise,
That I will never tell,
All I remember is,
The way her bedroom smelled."

"I had that dream,
About you again,
Where I wait outside,
Until you let me in."

"And now I'm breathing deeply, walking backwards,
Finding strength to call and ask her,
Roller coaster, favorite ride,
Let me kiss you one last time,
Goodnight, goodnight."

Sound Wave trots over to the band, still jamming out as they all group up, parading off the stage. Lights flash everywhere as another wave of applause erupts from the audience. A few ponies and bronies continue rocking hard in their improvised mosh pit in front of the stage.

"Always good to get a crazy number in there once in a while." Spike grins, returning to the mic. "Our thirteenth entry is Ninjuto's Raining Fire, singing Baby Got Flank."

A scratch rhythm starts beating as Raining Fire struts out onto the stage, followed by Pinkie Pie and Rarity. All three jig to the rhythm as they approach the mic, the girls staying back and moving with the beat as the OC begins his number.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie grin playfully as they start shaking their flanks, strutting back and forth across the stage.

"I like big flanks and I cannot lie,

You other bronies can't deny,
That when a mare walks in and is struttin' that flank,
Wearin' Rarity's dress like a tank,
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough,
'Cause you noticed that plot was stuffed."

"Turnin' heads like Owlowiscious,"

"Hoo hoo!" The owl's hoots break into the song momentarily from above.


"Feelin' like Spike."

The little dragon peers out of the curtains with a cheeky grin, his eyes fixing on Rarity's rump. "So delicious!" 

"Oh baby, I wanna get with ya,
And take your picture,
My bronies tried to warn me,
But that flank you got makes, makes me so…"

Raining Fire rears up, whinnying into the mic as the girls get down, shaking their cutie marks.

"Ooh, plot-o-smooth skin,
You say that you want a partay?"

Pinkie Pie rears up, "PAR-TAY!"

"Well okie, dokie,
'Cause you ain't that average lokie."

"I've seem the dancin',
To what DJ-PON3's blastin'.
She's charged, turnin' up the volts,
Livin' it large, Wonderbolts.

At that moment, two of the aerial team's female members, Spitfire and Fleetfoot, go racing overhead, their tails whipping back and forth playfully as they speed along.

"I'm tired of magazines,
Saying flat plots are the thing.
Take the average stallion and ask him that,
Pack that flank, Applejack!"

Big Macintosh peers out from behind the curtains. "Eeyup!"


"So fellas!
Yeah!
Fellas!
Yeah!
Has your waifu got da plot?
Hay yeah!
Tell 'em to shake it!
Shake it!
Shake it!
Shake it!
Shake that healthy plot!
Baby got flank!"

As the chorus line goes, stallions all poke their heads out from behind the curtains, yelling out responses to Raining Fire's song. Encouraged to tease, the girls turn around and give you a glimpse of their flanks full on, smiling teasingly at you.


"Baby got flank!"

"I like 'em round, and big,
And when I'm at Pinkie Pie's gig,
I just can't ground myself,
I'm bouncing all around ya,
Fourth wall don't matter.
Now we gonna trot home,
And…"

Raining fire rears, whinnying.

"Double up!"

He follows with a pair of whinnies.

"You got me talking in Equine,
'Cause baby your flank is oh so fine."


"I want 'em yellow, blue, or white,
And even pink and purple,
You mares got no trouble,
Movin' that Art of the Bubble.
So I'm lookin' at pony videos,
Bronies making these ponies look pro.
All 'em spoofs are incredible,
Some made even from the Hub and Hasbro."


"A word to the Mane 6 sisters,
come on and I'll bring ya,
To the Galloping Gala.
But don't get me wrong when I say it's,
Gonna be a night so long,
Celestia trollin' on,
The Gala's been making her yawn."


"It's gonna be your best night ever,
So, come on, stay and play,
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong,
And like Rarity…"

Clearly enjoying herself, the classy mare leans up to the mic. She doesn't notice when Raining Fire takes a step back, his eyes drifting down onto her flank. Putting on her best angry face, Rarity sings into the microphone.
"It… is… ON!"


"So mares, if the plot is round,
 And you want a Big Mac throwdown,
Dial 1-900-LLZALOT,
And buck them nasty thoughts.
Baby got flank!"

"Eyes all derpin', but she got much flank,
Might be a lez, but she got much flank."

Rainbow Dash glares out from behind the curtain. "Hey!"

"Trollestia be trollin, but she got much flank,
She prolly used magic to get that flank."

The song ends, though the beat continues as Raining Fire struts off the stage, still dancing. He is followed by Rarity and Pinkie Pie, who continue shaking their flanks as they disappear behind the stage left curtains.

Spike emerges, his eyes still trailing after Rarity, somewhere out of your sight. For a moment, he seems to forget that he is standing in front of you all.

"So much lovely flank…"

"Spike! Focus!" Twilight whispers sharply from backstage.

"Oh! Uh… right! Sorry about that folks!" Spike returns to reality with a snap, his cheeks reddening at the laughing crowd. "Our next entry is UnweptPegasus' OC, Lightning Flash! He'll be singing his own rendition of Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic! Let's give him a round of applause!"

The gray pegasus stallion with a yellow and black mane, trailing a jagged yellow tail, steps out into the spotlights. He smiles confidently as he takes Spike's place at the mic. "What's happenin' bronies? You all sound like an awesome crowd tonight, and lemme tell you, it's a pleasure just being up here, giving you guys one hoof of a show! I'll be singing a song that'll really get your heads bobbing. So let me hear you clap those hooves together and make some noise! LET'S KICK IT!"

The crowd begins to clap rhythmically with the thrum of the acoustic guitar. Lightning Flash begins singing as the holoprojectors create a long, wide corridor that seems to be moving away, fluorescent lights flashing down it's length.

"Uh yeah…
All hail Celestia on my backseat,
And her friends are gliding right beside me,
World wide from the Fillmaron to Turkey,
Open up, said everypony loves me."

"And you don't have to make a sound,
'Cause they got what you need, what you need."

"Got love for the people that have warned you,
But Cadance got no love for your virtue,
Eight bits for takers that'll break you,
Lay cards with the lovers that'll hate you."

"And you don't have to make a sound,
'Cause they got what you need, what you need."

"Make you say,
Oh my, feels just like I don't try,
Look so good I might die,
All I know is everypony loves me.
Head down, soaring to my own sound,
Lightning Flash is in your face now,
All I know is everypony loves me.
Everypony loves me."

"Well I pray the music, don't stop till I turn gray,
Stars forever like Princess Luna never fade,
An eclipse shroud the world in a different shade,
Hope I'm remembered for the things that I never made."

"'Cause you don't have to make a sound,
When I got what you need."

From behind him, a whole crowd of ponies march up the holographic corridor, their hooves clapping in time with the beat. They all sing out the chorus line in unison.

"Everypony loves me,
Everypony,
Everypony, oh."

Lightning Flash picks the song back up without missing a note, his own hooves beating out with the marchers.

"Don't need my health,
Got my name and got my wealth.
I stare at the sun,
Just for kicks all by myself.
I lose track of time,
But no way I'm past my prime,
But I'm feeling, oh so good,
Yeah."

"Oh my, feels just like I don't try,
Scratch the sky when I fly,
All I know is everypony loves me.
Heads up, swag on for my close-up,
Lightning Flash don't take no scrubs,
Cause all I know is everypony loves me.
Everybody loves me.
Don't you know who I am?"

Waving out a salute, Lightning Flash grins out at you all. "Thanks for joining in. I'll see you around."

He disappears behind the curtain as the holoprojectors kick out, leaving Spike standing in the dark. He squints up at the control box, where Derpy is frantically pulling levers and pressing buttons.

After half a minute without power, the lights come back up, nearly blinding Spike. "Ah! Too bright! Turn them down!"

"Oops, sorry!" Derpy calls out over the intercom.

Spike grumbles something about being cross-eyed, then turns back to you. "Sorry about the delay, everypony. We'll get the show back on track! Our next and final performance will be by Epicpony2346's OC, Lucas. He'll be singing Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell. Let's show him a proper Pony Variety Show! welcome!"

Applause greets the blue pegasus stallion as he glides up to center stage, his black and yellow mane catching the light of the spots in an odd break of colors.

"Hey everypony I'm Lucas. I've been making music for a while and enjoying archery, hence my nickname Arrow Note. The song I will be singing it a personal favorite of mine."

Overhead, a drumbeat mixes with synthesized sounds to form a beat as Lucas begins to sing. As he does, you see a holographic representation of him, wandering around a darkened house, going through the motions of the song. As he progresses however, ponies' faces keep popping up, peering through windows, around doors, or in other, much odder places.

"Who's watching,
Tell me, who's watching,
Who's watching me?"

"I'm just an average man,
With an average life,
I work from nine to five,
Hey, hoof, I pay the price.
All I want is to be left alone,
In my average home,
But why do I always feel,
Like I'm in the twilight zone?"

"And I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me,
And I have no privacy.
Whooooa-oh-oh!
I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me,
Tell me, is it just a dream."

"When I come home at night,
I bolt the door real tight.
People call me on the phone,
I'm trying to avoid.
But can the people on TV see me,
Or am I just paranoid?"

"When I'm in the shower,
I'm afraid to wash my hair,
'Cause I might open my eyes,
And find someone standing there.
People say I'm crazy,
Just a little touched,
But maybe showers remind me,
Of Psycho too much.
That's why,"

"I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me,
And I have no privacy.
Whooooa, oh-oh!
I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
Who's playin' tricks on me?"

The music goes into an interlude, showing Lucas wandering through the halls, his eyes darting back and forth. Every once in a while, he spots somepony staring at him. His eyes grow wider and wider as he trots quickly through the house. Finally overwhelmed, he rushes to the front door, swings it open, and stops.

There, barring his passage, a tall, slender pony with a blank white face wearing a black suit stands. In response, Lucas slams the door shut, dashes up the stairs, and into his bedroom. He crouches underneath his bed, with blankets pulled tight around his body. He doesn't see the half-dozen pairs of eyes staring at him from the darkness that encompasses him.

"Who's watching me?
I don't know anymore.
Are the neighbors watching me?
Who's watching?
Well, is the mailman watching me?
Tell me, who's watching.
And I don't feel safe anymore,
Oh, what a mess,
I wonder who's watching me now,
Who,
The IRS?"

"I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me,
And I have no privacy.
Whooooa, oh-oh!
I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me,
Tell me, is it just a dream."

"I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me,
And I have no privacy.
Whooooa, oh-oh!"

"I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
Who's playin' tricks on me?
Who's watching me?
I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
Oooooooh!
Whooooa-oh-oh!"

"I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
So? Who can it be?
Who's watching me?
I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
Whooooa-oh-oh!"

"I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
Who's playing tricks on me?
Who's watching me?
I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
Can I have my privacy?
Whooooa-oh-oh!"

"I always feel like,
Somebody's watching me.
Who's playing tricks on me?"

"Maybe he wouldn't feel like anypony was watching him if he weren't putting on a stage show." Pinkie Pie answers the song from her seat next to you. You feel your heart skip a beat with surprise.

"Want some popcorn?" She asks, holding out a bag of half eaten popcorn to you.

After taking what you want, you find yourself looking back at her. She turns one eye at you, then looks over. "Yes, is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"